Bill
(I posted this message on Sept. 6, 2019. Here is the long version of my post in memory of Bill)
In the early morning on Sept. 6, 2019, I received a text message that my dear friend Bill had passed through this world and went home with the Lord.
On my way to work, my time with Bill in the past 22 years played like a photo slides thanks to my kind of photograph memory.
22 years ago, I met Bill first time at a retreat in an Oklahoma ranch. I was not a Christian yet at that time. A Christian friend invited us to spend a few days in the ranch. Bill was part of the hosting party. Bill took us to fishing and horse riding. That is how I met Bill first time. The picture was so clear that Bill shook my hands and said: “I am Bill”. He insisted on knowing my Chinese name. Bill did not share message of Christian faith with me the whole time during the retreat. He just served us with smile on his face.
22 year later, we went to see Bill in August a few weeks before he passed away. We spent almost an hour at Bill’s house. When we were about to drive away, Bill walked out his house and wanted to tell me something before we left. He told me that Lord may call him home sometime, and he may not need his golf clubs anymore. He wanted me to give to someone else to use. I gave Bill the golf club sets as gift a few years ago. I told Bill to keep the golf clubs. That is the last conversation that Bill and I had during his time on this earth.
Bill was a pastor and had served in Christian ministry for a few decades. But my first time meeting with Bill and last conversation with Bill seems not theological or spiritual related. First, he took us to fish and horse riding. Last, he told me to give his golf clubs to someone else since he no longer need them. It seems more meaningful if he shared a Bible verse with me in his last words to me.
Bill was a natural born athlete. He was avid runner. He also loves playing golf. I played golf with Bill many times in Oklahoma and Texas. Many of us, the amateur golfers, usually are driven by our pride to select a less golf club to hit the ball. When playing a 150-yard Par 3 hole, I need a 7 iron, but often I would pull out an 8 iron and hit 10 yard short of green, and make boggy or double bogies. That is not Bill. To my surprise, Bill pulled out his driver, which is the golf club for furthest distance. If I had used driver for a Par 3 hole, my playing partners would have asked me why I picked my driver. I did not say anything when Bill pulled out his driver. I was very curious to see how he hit and where the ball would land. I could not believe that Bill hit the ball closer to the green than I did, and eventually he had better score than I had.
This is a good analogy how Bill lives his life differently from many of us. I do not speak on behalf of others. I can say that I am short of my many targets because of my lack of humility. Bill reached his goals because of his humility. He does not care if others would laugh at him or do not understand why a driver is for 150 yards hole. He was focusing on his target ahead and used whatever the best to reach his goals, not driven by pride, but by humility. Bill went to the top college in the US. You never heard about that he mentioned it. Bill was willingly serving in a deputy position even though he was offered to lead the ministry. Bill always served behind the stage. He may not be preaching like Paul, but he is very close to Timothy who supported Paul and encouraged others.
When I think about some other Christian pastors, and ministry leaders in my life, I mostly admire their teaching, their sound doctrine, their excellent sermons, and their moral characters. When I think about Bill, it’s just Bill, a servant walking with Christ in life. When we met and sit down at a table, he did not start to ask me what I am serving, and which topic I am studying in my Bible study group, and which Bible reading plan I am on, but asked me a very simple question. Not many people would ask me. “Brother, how are you walking with the Lord recently?” That is the question that Bill asked me. I know that he was not trying to examine my life in a judgmental way. That is how he lives his life. He wants me, his younger brother in Christ, to do the same. I do not think that I had given good answer to Bill every time. But this question stays with me and became a question that I often I ask myself. “How am I walking with the Lord?”
During the time when I saw Bill before he passed away, we prayed for Bill and his wife Pam. Bill prayed for our two families who came from Dallas to see him. He prayed by name for us and our children. That is how Bill always cares others even at the time when cancer was spread all over his body, and he only have weeks to live. The last words that Bill told me is to ask me to give his golf clubs to others. Bill was thinking about others in all things include a set of golf clubs.
The more I think about Bill and my time with him, the more I realized that evangelism is the most important of Bill’s ministry, and the goal for Bill in life is to walk with Christ in his own life. These are not two competing goals, but one united in Christ. When I think about Bill, I actually saw Bible verse, and Christian doctrine, not on paper or on screen, but from Bill’s life, and his walking with Christ. Bill asked me how I was working with the Lord because he wanted to share this important message with me. By walking with Christ, it is not just to have knowledge of Bible verse, and Christian doctrine, and express by words how Christian should live, and do the good things, but the whole life abides in Christ.
Bill, my dear friend, my golf partner, and my brother in Christ, I thank you for that you live as an example for me in walking with Christ. Bill, I will see you in Heaven. I know that you may still use your driver to play the par 3 hole in Heaven, and you are making hole-in-one every time. I will join you some day in Heaven and play golf with you. While you hit driver for a par 3 hole, I will still use my 8 iron not because of pride, but the glory of the Lord.
(Chinese translation)
（我在2019年9月6日发布了此消息。以下是为纪念比尔而写的长篇纪念文）
在2019年9月6日凌晨，我收到一条短信，说我亲爱的朋友比尔（Bill）已经穿越了这个世界并回到天家，与主同在。
在上班的路上，由于我有一些记录照片似的记忆力，过去22年与比尔在一起的时间像幻灯片一样。
22年前，我在俄克拉荷马州牧场的一次静修中第一次遇到了比尔。那时我还不是基督徒。一个基督徒朋友邀请我们在牧场里待几天。比尔是主办人之一。比尔带我们去钓鱼和骑马。这就是我第一次遇到比尔。图片非常清晰，比尔握住我的手说：“我是比尔”。他坚持要知道我的中文名字。在静修期间，比尔没有与我分享有关基督教信仰的信息。他只是微笑着为我们服务。
比尔是一位牧师，曾在基督教事工中服务了几十年。但是，我第一次与比尔会面以及与比尔的最后一次对话似乎与神学或属灵无关。首先，他带我们去钓鱼和骑马。最后，他告诉我将高尔夫球杆交给其他人，因为他不再需要它们。如果他在与最后的谈话中与我分享圣经经文，那似乎更有属灵的意义。
在过去的22年中，我和比尔实际上确实谈论了很多神学，圣经，基督教护教学和基于圣经价值的政治。我们有面对面的交谈、通电话，短信和电子邮件。但是，由于某些原因，这些在我的照片记忆中并不突出。出现在我面前的似乎不那么神学或属灵。其中一件事是我和比尔打高尔夫球的时间，尤其是比尔如何打3杆洞。
比尔是天生的运动员。他热爱跑步。他也喜欢打高尔夫球。我曾在俄克拉荷马州和德克萨斯州与比尔打过很多次高尔夫球。对于打高尔夫，我们中的许多人（业余高尔夫球手）通常会因我们的自豪感而选择小一杆的球杆来击球。当在150码3杆洞打标准杆时，我需要7杆铁杆，但通常我会拿出8杆铁杆并击中果岭不足10码的果岭，打出很差的杆数。那不是比尔。令我惊讶的是，比尔拔出了他的一号木发球杆，这是距离最远的高尔夫球杆。如果我在三杆洞使用发球杆，那么我的同伴会问我为什么选择发球杆。当比尔拔出一号木发球杆，我什么也没说。我很想知道他是怎么打的以及球会落在哪里。我不敢相信比尔比我更接近果岭，最终他的得分比我好。
这是一个比喻，比尔如何与我们许多人不同地生活。我不代表他人发言，我可以说我因为缺乏谦卑而没有达到许多目标。比尔靠自己的谦虚而达到了目标。他不在乎别人是否会嘲笑他或不理解为什么驾驶员要撞到150码洞。他专注于自己的目标，并尽一切努力实现自己的目标，这不是出于骄傲，而是出于谦卑。比尔去了美国最好的大学。你从未听说过他提过。尽管比尔被提议领导一给事工，但他愿意做帮手。比尔总是在舞台后面。他可能没有像保罗那样讲道，但他与提摩太非常接近，提摩太支持保罗并鼓励其他人。
当我想到我生命中的其他基督教牧师和事工领袖时，我欣赏他们的教导，他持守的纯正的基要真理，出色的讲道以及他们的道德品格。当我想到比尔时，却想到一个生活中与基督同行的仆人。当我们见面并坐在一张桌子旁时，他并没有开始问我服务的内容、我的圣经学习小组正在研究的主题以及我正在使用的圣经计划，他问了我一个非常简单的问题。没有多少人会问我。 “兄弟，您最近与主同行吗？”这是比尔问我的问题。我知道他不是想用一种判断力来检查我的生活。那就是他的生活。他希望我（他在基督里的弟弟）也这样做。我认为我并不是每次都给比尔一个好的答案。但是这个问题成为一个我经常问自己的问题。 “我在与主同行吗？”
比尔去世之前，在外面见他时，我们为比尔和他的妻子帕姆祈祷。比尔为我们来自达拉斯的两个家庭祈祷。他为我们和我们的孩子们祈祷。即使在癌症蔓延到他的全身，而他只有几周的生命的时候，这就是比尔，总是会关心别人。比尔对我说的最后一句话是要我把他的高尔夫球杆交给其他人。比尔一直在考虑其他事情，包括高尔夫球杆。
我越想比尔和我与他在一起的时间，我就越发意识到传福音是比尔事工中最重要的一环，而比尔一生的目标是与基督同行。这些不是两个相互竞争的目标，而是一个与基督联合的目标。当我想到比尔时，我实际上看到的是圣经经文和基督教教义，不是在纸上或在屏幕上，而是从比尔的一生以及他与基督同行的生命中。比尔问我如何与主同工，因为他想与我分享这一重要信息。通过与基督同行，不仅要了解圣经经文和基督教教义，并通过言语表达基督徒应该如何生活，如何做善事，而且整个生命都应在基督里。
比尔，我亲爱的朋友，我的高尔夫伙伴和我在基督里的兄弟，我感谢您为我与基督同行作为榜样。比尔，我在天堂见。我知道您仍然可以使用驱动程序在天堂打3杆洞，并且每次都进行一杆进洞。我有一天会在天堂和你一起打高尔夫。当您击中车手的三杆洞标准杆时，我仍然会使用我的8杆铁杆，不是因为骄傲，而是因为主的荣耀。
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